people who know me know that i'm not too fond of reading.
the reason being that i find that a majority of the stories are far too predictable.
the paths may vary here and there, but after reading the first chapter, you can basically skip to the last chapter and get the whole jist of the story... (it's true).
::sigh::
i really wish that my life story were that simple.
people who know me, also know that i've had my life planned out since i was 6.
i was going to go to college for 4 years to get my nursing degree.
work in the USA for a little bit to gain some field experience.
and then i was going to move to Asia (India) and work in various orphanages/hospitals over there until I died.
that was my life. and i was so passionate about all of it, that i was sure that it was totally God's will and it was going to happen!
Early Summer 2007 happened, and I ended up in Taiwan for a year.
BEST YEAR EVER.
in fact, it was so good that for a while i thought that i'd be coming back for a second year.
but college and nursing was still important to me... and so was my family... so i went back stateside.
went to BU... which ended up being a smart, yet extremely stupid decision...
many good things happened at BU - meet some amazing friends, got more involved in music, great professors, awesome roomies, etc.
but BU had downsides too... like being overly priced (by a TON of money), had a few "bad crowds" of ppls, and even though it was a "christian college"... i ended up loosing sight of God ... and my passion for my future.
i got to the point where i had no idea where to go/what to do w/ my life anymore...
so i went back to the last place where GOD was REAL for me...
i went back to Taiwan.
not gunna lie... this year (past 5 months) has been HARD.
i've cried
i've attempted to eat chocolate, cuz it's supposed to make one "feel better" (that's a lie. it doesn't work)
i've past many sleepless nights
i've downed coffee to stay awake for classes
i've argued and "fought" with God (kind of impossible to fight w/ someone who made the whole universe... just sayin)
i've been done... and have literally sat down w/ God asking Him WHAT my purpose here is
I WANT TO SEE THE ENDING!! NOW!!!
... sometimes i feel like He just likes keeping me in suspense...
however... in these past two weeks, i've come to realize a really simple fact... one that made my heart break...
what happens in the middle is just as important as what happens in the end.
my life is a book. and it's being written... slowly, but surely.
and sadly enough, this is not a book that i can just "skim the beginning" and then jump to the end.
this is a lifelong process.
and i can't expect all of it to just fall into place.
i want a happy ending.
but that's not going to happen if i don't push myself toward that.
yes... crappy things have happened to this "book" in the past.
but many, MANY good things have happened to.
honestly... a thought that has been constantly triggering in my mind these past few weeks was this, "if tomorrow was the "last chapter" of your book... how would it end? in other words, where am i in life right now? am i satisfied w/ who i am? if not, what am i going to do to change that? what do i want my life to say about me? what have i done to end w/ a "bang"? and why wait? why not change NOW?
...cuz who knows... tomorrow might just bring about the end chapter.
(ramblings of a tired camille... please forgive me if this made no sense)
Lots of Love <3
Dear Oranger,
ReplyDeleteRight after reading your article, I didn't know how to reply though I really wanna say something can encourage you. Then, today I read the Bible, the verses talk about Abraham let me think of you.
(Honestly, it's been hard for me reading Scripture for months......)
Hebrews, Chapter 11
"By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went. By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:
For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God."
You know when I read this part, suddenly I appreciate onething that God remind me of encouraging each other by HIS words. It doesn't matter who I am or where you are from, and I do praise God sending you to Yunlin as 1 of our important partners. You're here, and there's a certain reason from God.
Continue to 12:11, "Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby."
I think you would find the answer in Jesus soon.
His promise never fails, also for you.
Pray for you and know you'll receive Faith from God.
我們愛妳！
Enjoy your holidays w/ Jesus & good friends!
chu <3