Breaking...

"God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces..."
-Author Unknown

It's almost been 48hrs since I stepped back into Taiwan. And a lot has happened in those 48hrs.

I've met new friends.
walked to many old, yet familiar places.
refreshed my Chinese vocab and picked up on some new words.

lesson planned.

strolled some new streets.

enjoyed some "peace and quiet" at 4am.

listened to cat fights.

returned (over and over again) to 7-11.

...and realized that some healing takes more TLC than just a quick-fix.

Yes. I have fallen back in love with EVERYTHING about Taiwan.

from the smells (which ones appalled me) and cockroaches, to the children and food!

Nonetheless, I have come to realize that our God doesn't take our requests lightly.

I remember leaving Taiwan and regretting some of the times that I had obliviously "wasted".

I remember asking God to give me a second chance; to do something drastic so that I would almost be "forced" to get completely out of my comfort-zone and be totally willing to be absorbed in my surroundings.

He did it.

I'm with a bunch of Taiwanese people whom I've never met before. They are completely AMAZING people and super sweet, but they are, nonetheless, "strangers" to me.

I'm on my own.

yet, I'm far from relying on myself.

In these last 48hrs, God has showed me how much I used to depend on other people. Even when I was over here last time, I had a few "close" friends whom I would tell EVERYTHING to... now even they have been stripped away from me. God is showing me more and more every minute how I am supposed to be totally and completely relying ON HIM(!!) and omw. that is a whole lot easier said then done. :-\

This brought me to realize that, as much as I was telling everyone from home that I would be "totally and absolutely fine" I really was just trying to hide the fact that I knew I was going to miss everyone like crazy (argh! I have started to HATE having to admit that...)! I got over here, and all I could do was wonder why God would bring me to a place I love soo much... on the other side of the world from the OTHER place that I loved sooo much!?!?!

It is said that "home is where the heart is"
... well, if that's the case, my heart is totally torn in two!

I have a deep and completely passionate love for the people of Taiwan (adults and children alike), but at the same time, my love for my family and friends at home is just as deep...

So why?

Why does God bring us to a point where we feel like our heart is about to break?

...it is only so that He can show us that He is the ONLY one who can fully put us back together!

Although I am still super excited for these next few weeks(!!), I have felt a complete draining of myself and anything that *I* would've planned for this Summer to hold. God's bringing me to a point of total surrender and brokenness before him.

God is never done perfecting me... and I have a feeling that it's going to take a LONG time.