...it's been a long year.
and i'm kind of getting to the point where I'm overwhelmed, worn out, and.... exhausted.
seriously... i'm pretty sure i've just randomly broken down crying several times within this past week alone.
i can't believe (CAN'T BELIEVE!!!) that i only have one month left here.
this has become home to me... and leaving this place so soon.... blows my mind!
what's the future going to hold?
where am i going in life?
why can't the next chapter be as simple as "going back to Taiwan to teach for a year"....??
and then... to add to all of my self-doubts (which the devil just DELIGHTS in planting in mi mind, btw), i start to think about my year here....
i look back at the year and think.... did i make it worth it?
did i spend enough time with my kids?
did i visit as many teams as i could?
did i pour my heart out into my teaching?
did i take every single little bitty opportunity and make THE MOST out of it?
honestly? i can shake my head and say "no... i didn't."
and i can start beating myself up.
saying stuff like "Camille, you should've tried harder!"
could've...
should've...
would've...
.... yup.
doubt sucks, no?
Sooo.... basically i've decided that this next month is going to fly.
and i'm excited... like, REALLY EXCITED to go back to MN and see all those ppls whom i've missed SO STINKIN MUCH!!
but... at the same time, i'm sooo going to miss Taiwan.
however, i'm not going to look back in regret of things that i haven't done... cuz i have so many awesome memories from things that i HAVE done.... and to me, those are far more precious/important that worrying that i didn't "do enough" ~
i'm excited to see what this next/last month is going to bring!
so far, i know that there's gunna be a wedding, trips up to Taipei, the middle of Taiwan, down to Kenting (possibly?), 3 more weeks of TEACHING classes (and one office week), and .... yeah!
the thought of all i have to get done in these next few weeks is overwhelming...
but... it's all brought to peace at the beginning of the day... when i come before my Lord, Jesus and "cast all my cares upon Him... because HE cares for ME" (1 Peter 5:7)
-----
mmk, that was a lot of rambling, but hey! i woke up at 5:30a this morning, went for a jog, have downed several cups of coffee and black tea since then... and it's now hitting 7:30p and i'm thinkin that going to bed early might be a good way to end this "Memorial Day" (sad fact: American's don't get this day off in other Countries ~ just thought i should throw that out there) :P
Camille, you can rest in the fact that God accomplished much more through you than you will EVER know!! Keep going, girl. I'm praying for you :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Libby. God is using you to do more than you can ever imagine. Keep running the race that's before you, looking to JESUS for strength. :)
ReplyDelete